I’m looking for some original and funny stories about a time when you survived something horrific, whether it be a bad family reunion, a broken heel, or a dog that peed on your leg. Tell me what happened and what you did to solve the problem and get yourselves out of this situation…

We’ve all had to deal with a rug burn or two, perhaps a bad electrologisteven. Why not share your stories so that others can know what to do when faced with the same dilemma…

Research for my next book

Eva

I got the book edited, thank god… And now it will be coming to paperback with a whole new look! Amazon should be carying it within a few days to a week, and it’s already available on Kindle and Mobipocket for those of you that are thinking green… click here to order from Amazon E-Store (A little faster than Amazon’s main site)

I’m recovering from a sunburn at the moment. Did a charity golf tournament on Saturday, good thing was there were plenty of nice men willing to give me beer My frind faired far better than me, she was smart enough to wear SPF 30, I on the other hand went with 15 but her wedding is this Saturday so I’m happy she doesn’t have the horrifically bad tan lines like I do…

Anyways, enjoy the new book!!!

This is what I do when I’m trying to lose weight too, I can totally relate with this cat, IN FACT…. I did it just this morning…

Video Here

check this out, one of my friends posted about his site a while back, the site is called Get The Glass. Basically, it’s a game, made by the dairy farmers of america. It was rated one of the top ten flash site, and it’s obvious why, not to mention super frustrating!!!!!

Have fun!

E.

Dog Rubber Gloves, Image from People.com

Do you see that face? That is NOT the face of happiness, but rather embarassment, shame, and utter discomfort. What are you dressing him to do, clean your toilets??

Dog’s are not Maids, obviously…

They’re like tiny colored condoms, and completely worthless. Dogs are hearty animals, who love the outdoors, they step in their own shit, I’m sure they don’t mind stepping in water… Just look at the way they walk, so constipated, so utterly tortured by your attempts to class them up…

STOP NOW…… really… WTF

I found this funny, if not a little sad. Kate professing her undieing love for Leo, after thirteen years, and yet, the best she can tell her husband is that “I loved working with you everyday.” It is a fact, that she never actually SAYS, I love you, to her husband… and actually, the fact that he “KILLED” them everyday, was also a bit ominous, like using the bathroom at a Frat house.

Oh the satire is grand….isn’t it?

If I were him, I may start smuggling my assets in case there’s a divorce…

Go to this link and decide for yourself on YouTube…

I got one of those forwarded emails today, typically I never read them, but my mother does, and she called me freaking out as though I were going to die, which I’m not… I don’t take that brand. Anyways, here’s the original message from the girl herself, heed her warning…

I was encouraged to write this, even though I tend to not read forwards    from others, myself.  But, this isn’t some anonymous safety warning, this    is about me and what I’ve been through the in the last 2 weeks.  I don’t    know of any other way to get the word out and, lest you think it’s fake, feel    free to email me back at heatherroberts@bendbroadband.com    to verify.  I will answer any questions I can.  I already checked    snopes and found another, similar story, but without specifics.  Here we    go:    
   
I am 32 and have been taking various brands of birth control for about 10    years now, switching to Yaz in Nov., 2007.  I’ve never had any problems    with them, until now.http://www.steadyhealth.com/WARNING_ABOUT_YAZ_BIRTH_CONTROL_PILLS-t128290-0-asc-30.html

I had no other risk factors for stroke, do not smoke and am under the age    of 35.  I know that all birth control brands carry a risk of stroke, but    why does there seem to be a higher risk if you take Yaz?  Why when you    google any other brand + “stroke” do you not get anything near what you get    when you google “yaz stroke”?

After experiencing isolated, “transient” numbness for about 3 weeks (just    my left pinkie, just the left side of my tongue, just my left eye/vision, etc)    I collapsed at work, in the middle of the newsroom, on the afternoon of Dec.    29, 2008 (Monday).  I had fallen after losing all ability to use of the    left side of my body while standing.  911 was called, along with my    husband (who works just down the street).  While the EMTs worked on me I    had another “episode.”  Each time, I could feel it coming, never lost    consciousness and was aware of everything going on, although my brain felt    ”cloudy.”  While in the ambulance, I started experiencing slurred speech    and asked the medic if I was having a stroke.  He said he just really    didn’t think so, because I’m so young… this was a common theme as I entered    the ER at St. Charles Medical Ctr in Bend, as they said I had just had a panic    attack, and must have been over-stressed (This was my first day back afte r a    5 day vacation and an easy day at work).

Somehow a smart Neurologist pushed the ER doctor to get me down for an    MRI where they discovered a cluster of mini strokes, dating back about 3 weeks    (corresponding with the onset of my symptoms).  They admitted me and    proceeded with an angiogram Tuesday morning.  After the angiogram they    confirmed that I’d, in fact, suffered a stroke.  I’d regained the use of    my left side shortly after getting to the ER, but was still experiencing a lot    of numbness in my left arm.  They didn’t get a lot of answers from the    angiogram, so decided to keep me one more night until they could run another    test, this time in my heart (TEE: trans-esophogial echocardiogram).     Luckily I was still in the hospital, when I suffered the most damaging    stroke in my sleep Tuesday night.  I awoke at 2am, Wednesday and couldn’t    roll over… at all.  My entire left side was useless.  I    immediately called the nurse in, as I tried to remember not to panic.     They couldn’t imagine I’d had another stroke, so assumed I had a brain    bleed, they sent me for a head CT, which came back clear.  Later they did    another MRI (with contrast) and found a new “event”- this time higher up in    the brain, although I was already on baby aspirin and Plavix- a common blood    thinner.  The paralysis lasted 3 days and a week later, am still dealing    with left side weakness which I receive physical and occupational therapy    for.

Now, to make a long story short, they have run a battery of tests and    still can’t figure out how I got a blood clot in my brain.  But, after    the urging of a nurse friend, we did some checking online and found that I am    not alone.  Many other woman have posted to a blog, along with    myself:

There is no definitive test to prove the pill caused my strokes, but    there seems to be absolutely nothing else wrong with me.

I received heavy doses of blood thinners via injection while in the    hospital and  will be on prescription blood thinners for at least 6    months while they wait for the Yaz to make it’s way out of my system.     They hope that then I’ll be able to get off of the blood thinners.

I don’t know any other way to get the word out to the women I know to let    people know that what the pharmaceutical company advertises as a “wonder drug    for PMS and acne” is no wonder drug at all.  I don’t know how the FDA has    managed to let this through.

If you, or someone you know is taking Yaz, or Yasmin (its old name)    please share this information with them.  Some may choose to stay on it,    but pay attention to what your body is telling you. No one else should have to    go through what I did, and I was very lucky, I am expected to make a complete    recovery.

Heather    Roberts

I watched the Goonies this morning for the fisrt time since I was probably ten. My husband and I used to love it when we were little, and with just cause. For the time period, the movie was pretty advanced, with the happy music and good morals, but also adventure and so on. Gold, who doesn’t like gold, not to mention some serious movie style kisses that we all loved and dreamed about when we were that young, and hormonal.

And who doesn’t love seeing the ever popular Sam Wise Gamgy from Lord of the Rings in his awkward youth, and in braces…

Not to mention the big bloke with the moving ears, sometimes there is no replacement for good ole movie magic, instead of digital animation.

And jewels, the size of boulders… lovely.

SO, it’s true, sex really does make us happy. I read this blog about semen and mind control, riveting. I had already known that semen has the power to kill the semen of other males, if you’re permiscuous, and dumb enough not to be wearing condoms… But what I DIDN’T know, was that semen actually makes us happy. Now I could certainly drink a beer to that! This is great news, so perhaps, it gives us just that little extra bit of UMPF to get out there and find that mate, be promiscuos, JUST BE SAFE.

And Way to Go UW!    Huck the Fuskies… WSU forever

 

Happy Ole Me

Hi My name is Eva Johnson, and I have lived a somewhat tragically skewed life, and a youth full of mischief, and unbelievable humor. Now that I am an Adult, I have become a writer. Swiss Chocolate is my third book, each written in a completely different genre and completely different Pen Names, for each of my creative sides.

If you can guess my other blogs, I’ll give you a cookie…

Swiss Chocolate is my daring journey into the folds of my own chaotic life, and my observance of all things strange, and mischievous. I’ve always viewed the world differently, as though waiting for it all to collide into one moment, one such moment happened to me, and I write about it in this book. From Age 5 to 23, all the events were for one thing, and one thing only. Each arbitrary turn from the seemingly endless path of life.

My Memoir explores the strange things that happen when you let go of the reins of life, and let the shit fly, so to speak. I am currently Published at Amazon,  Mobipocket which is cool cause you can read it on your iphone or Blackberry, and lulu.com, paperback come March…

Trust me, you won’t soon forget it,

Eventually, Aly got bored and began to throw the remaining noodles over the edge at the elderly people out walking. I thought about Doug’s eyes, and his kind smile. I sighed and rolled off the roof and walked over to Aly.

  I heard a yell from below and I glared at her. “Aly!” I screamed putting my head over the ledge to catch a glimpse of her helpless victim below. We laughed, ducking behind the railing as the lonely old man warily looked towards the sky.

I eyed her pathetically. “Would you quit that?” I whispered under my breath, still giggling wildly.

 “What!” she denied, “It’s just a little fun.” She smiled vindictively, and I laughed at her lack of self-control as she emptied the rest of the spicy pots content over the ledge. We heard it splatter on the sidewalk below, not daring to see what it had hit as we ran back into the building.

 

***

 

“Road sodas!” Aly had screamed loudly in the beer aisle, holding her arms out like a tiny gladiator as her purse dangled limply from her infinitesimal bicep.

Josh had put his toned arms out willingly as she piled them high with a few different kinds of beer, figuring she could never settle on just one flavor, story of her life. Josh was like a pet to her, and I felt a sense of mourning knowing his attempts were futile.

 

***

 

“So, Alex,” he leaned into the bar, smiling and licking his gorgeous lips. “Is it normal for your friend to get a guys attention by throwing packaged goods?” He smiled.

 

 

 The friends depicted in Swiss Chocolate at PURE in Las Vegas, the night after Britney was there, and the same VIP tent, thank god we missed her…

From Left: “Aly” “Me” “Evan” “Emily” “Chase”